The Easy Way Or The Hard Way

Are you thinking about getting rough in the bedroom?

Keep reading for my ultimate guide to starting out with rough sex or BDSM.

The first thing to do is talk to your partner, discuss your wants, desires and boundaries. It is also important to create a safe word, or perhaps a set of words to indicate where you're at. So, 'avocado' may mean it's great but verging on too intense, whilst 'mango' means stop. Whatever works for you, just make sure you are both clear on what you want and the meaning of your safe words.

The next thing to do is try things out and gage the levels you like. So try getting your partner to scratch, bite or maybe choke you and let them know if you want it either lighter, harder or "just like that". This will make you both more aware of each other's limits.

Be clear with what you want, both before and during sex, then discuss it afterwards. You don't want to ask for some light bondage and then be placed in a sex swing. But, it's only through communicating what you want and how you feel that you can ensure that this doesn't happen.

If you're not sure where to start, why not give blindfolds, hand cuffs and spanking a go; these are common places to start. If that's not quite enough for you, then perhaps you could move onto some BDSM toys. Some great ones to start with are:

- Whips

- The small surface area of whips make their pain intense; it's more of a sharp, stinging pain

- Crops

- These are intense, so be prepared for some actual, serious ouchies

- Paddles

- These have a bigger surface area so are less intense; great for if you're new to BDSM

- Floggers

- These are like whips, but have multiple, often thicker, tails

- Feathers

- For contrast after some whipping - trust me, it feels great

- Gag Balls

- This goes in your mouth and prevents you from talking back to you dominant. So, if you are going to use a gag ball, make sure to communicate with your partner beforehand

- Nylon Rope

- Unlike cotton rope, nylon rope does not create very tight knots that are difficult to undo

- Hemp Rope

- This has a rough texture and is strong, but does not create very tight knots and doesn't leave rope burn

BDSM can be a lot of fun, but make sure you do it because you want to; never feel pressurised into it if it's not your thing because ultimately sex is about all having fun and feeling great.